i’m so happy my legs are still attached

written from ocala national park, northern florida…

i almost got eaten by an alligator the other day. it was such a close call that i feel that kind of jubilation of having survived a brush with death. i can’t say the same for the two cameras, cellphones and mp3 player.

i’ve been traveling with a canadian dude, steve, that i met at the hostel in fort myers. on the second night that i’d known him he divulged that he was gay. i gleefully clapped my hands together, “oh perfect! let’s travel together!” a gay man makes a great travel companion. we rented a car, bought a $4 piece of crap tent at the goodwill and hit the road.

we spent one night in camping near st. petersburg then headed across the state into the ocala forest. we set up at a cool little spot called alexander springs. here, as in many other places throughout ocala, a huge natural spring, bubbles up from a deep underground cave, creating a delicious little swimming hole of brilliant, serene aqua waters. only slightly disconcerting was the scrawny little rope sectioning the swimming area off from an alligator’s den where one could frequently spot gators up to 8ft long sunning themselves. all day long you could hear them croaking in the bushes, a mating call i was told. besides the gators, this beautiful refuge was home to snapping turtles, cranes and other unusual birds and a fair amount of bugs.

spotting gators quickly became an obsession for me. i took walks through the surrounding woods hoping to come across one of the prehistoric giants. but other than a few little guys (4ft), i was left unsatisfied. on our third day there, steve and i took a canoe down a channel emanating from the spring, a lazy float through lily-pad infested waters and a great opportunity for some possible gator action. i was determined!

after almost two hours without an encounter, we finally found a gator, a big guy (maybe 6ft long), hanging out on the bank right by the water. i manuevered the boat in for a closer look. then a little closer. and a wee bit closer. he wasn’t moving. “how brave are you feeling?” steve asked. “VERY brave!” i responded and moved us in even closer. (now, in retrospect, i might go in an substitute the word “stupid” for “brave”) now we were right up against the bank, a mere 3 feet from this fascinating creature. but control of the canoe was escaping me and i began stabbing at the bank with the oar to stabilize us. without warning, the gator darted for the canoe – in fact, right for me! in a blind panic i screamed and spilled the canoe and all of it’s contents into the water. the gator had gone into the water under the boat, right where my tasty little legs were dangling helplessly.

the next few minutes was a chaotic jumble of scrambling to right the boat, climbing in and falling out again, expecting at any moment to feel a hundred razor sharp teeth sink into my flesh. we flagged down a passing canoe, a couple german tourists, who didn’t want to have anything to do with our situation. when we had rented the canoe we’d all been given a silver emergency whistle, i suppose so we could be found should we become lost. one of the germans began blowing her whistle insistently as if she could magically summon an air rescue. i stopped my stuggling at that moment and looked around at the ridiculousness of the situation.  i was still treading water, trying to retrieve all the things that had gone in the drink.  steve had managed to get in a canoe which was filled with about two feet of water.  he looked a little stunned.

between the two of us we managed to pull the boat on to the bank, dump it out and were shortly sea-worthy again.  we assessed the damages.  both of our cellphones and cameras and my mp3 player weren’t turning on and steve’s passport and wallet were soaked through as well.  feeling slightly sheepish, slightly elated, we rolled back in to the camping area pretending as if it had been an ordinary trip down the river.  we were cool.  nonchalant. strolling into the rental area like we owned the place.  the rental lady took one look at our drenched clothing and our shaking knees and said, “took a swim with the gators, did ya?”

postscript*

did you know that although my cellphone perished i was able to miraculously revive my camera and my mp3 player by keeping them in a bag of dry white rice for four days?  true story!  anyway, this explains why some of you may have been feeling the cold shoulder by me not returning your phone calls.  i still love ya!

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